Welcome to... Jerseylicious!

This is a real show, I repeat… this is real!!!

Ok I will admit that when MTV’s Jersey Shore first came out I was mortified. Being a Jersey native myself, I did not want people to think I was an orange, obnoxious, slut. After watching it a few times (I tried really hard not to), I found it hysterical. It is also a little confusing how so many guys can have six packs and still look completely unattractive but once again, I do not have time to explain what is wrong with guidos.

Let’s just leave it at… yuck

In this clip, one guidette brings her new boyfriend into the salon where she works to spray tan him. The girl did it to piss off one of the other guidette who was recently broken up with this man.

Ladies, you are fighting over a man who spray tans!

I am pretty sure that if that was not already on my deal breaker list, then it is now. Right along with having a soul patch and wearing guyliner.

Anyway.. In this clip, the ex-girl friend explains that she had broken up with him because he had bought her tickets to a Spice Girl concert but then ended up taking an ex-girlfriend!

A man who spray tans and watches the Spice girls... are we sure he did not take an ex-boyfriend?
Either way, it makes me laugh.

Brina's a Bitch!

No , Sabrina is not really a bitch.


This is my nephew and a word he picked up from his parents.

You Want Me To Stick My Key Card Where?!

Ok, so I have been neglecting my blog…

In the weeks that I have not written I have managed to make a girl cry, get stuck at the train station with a crazy homeless woman, and witness a medical emergency.

Also, the rotating door is broken at work because a woman tried to take a pull cart through the door. Not a smart move.

One of my friends at work did experience an interesting happening. She checked in a guest who was a young man. He approached her and flirted with her as she checked him into the room. She called him to make sure everything was OK in the room and he casually invited her up to the room. She declined the invite and thought it was funny. The next day he walks up to the front desk with a wife and two kids by his side. I found out the next day in the email she sent to me labeled, “men are dogs.”

Now to explain how I made the girl cry:

The woman tried to check into her room but did not have a credit card at hand. She needed to pay for the room so she ran to the ATM but her was still coming up short on cash. Frantic, she approached the desk and the tears fell. We managed to get her card number and she was checked in. She went to her room and I went home knowing that made someone cry.

As for the medical emergency, it happened while I was on the train.

On my way to work, the train was stopped at the stop before my exit route. The train was not moving for a little while and the speaker announced, “We need medical assistance in the back.” I was slightly disappointed that they didn’t say the cliché, “Is there a doctor in the building!?!” but I have come to terms with that. The woman next to me was wearing scrubs, who I later found out is a nurse, walked to the back of the train to assist the guest. Seconds later, an older man in an Army garb runs to the back of the train too. When the nurse returned, she explained what had happened:

There was a 58 year old man who could feel that he was about to get a stroke. The nurse went to check his vitals and assist until the ambulance came. The Army man then ran in and as described by the nurse, “smelled like the whole liquor store.” He went to the man having the stroke and tried to take his pulse and unbutton his shirt. The nurse and man both protested and were able to get the man away. Not sure how, maybe they threw a bottle of scotch out the window and he ran after it? Anyway…as it turns out, this was his third stroke. The ambulance came and hopefully he has been put on prescription meds.

ps... I really need help on how to post pictures!! ugh

Happy St. Patty's Day!

I know what you are thinking.
Why didn't I think of this first!
Well the credit goes to my friend Melissa.
Last year we went to Philadelphia looking green beer and car bombs. Another thing you should know about Melissa is that she is a redhead. St. Patty's Day seems to be a very popular day for her. On this particular day she was getting men from all angles. One of which even walked by us on the street and whispered, "I love your red hair" into her ear as we crossed the street. Yes, it was creepy. Yes, it was inappropriate. Yes, it gave us an idea!

Later when we discussed why she was being bombarded at the bars she said, "I guess guys just want to be able to say they fucked a redhead on St. Patty's Day."
Thus, the "I fucked a red head T-shirt" was born.

Some redheads may be offended by this t-shirt and I am fully aware of that. However, I do not apologize for this garment. This is really just a mere test. I mean yes, you can wear green, drink Guinness, pick of four leaf clover, or capture a leprechaun, but how many people can honestly say they fucked a redhead on St. Patty's?
OK the catching a leprechaun may be a bit difficult but I offer a better option. Go bang a ginger.
What better way do you honesty think there is to honor the old country?
Also, this is probably the only holiday Kathy Griffin gets some action.
Happy St. Patty's!!!

You Want Me To Stick My Key Card Where?!

I work in a hotel and crazy things happen...

Yesterday:

A man approached me inquiring about a job. When I told him he had to go online to apply, he explained how he wanted to get a fast job so he can afford a greyhound ticket to Miami for a mixed marshal arts training school.

Weird...

Today:

One of the guests was charged a fine for covering their room in orange juice.
There is such a thing as getting too much vitamin C.

You Want Me To Stick My Key Card Where?!

There is one thing you should know about me.
I work at a hotel in the gambling capital of the east coast. I work at the front desk and come into contact with hundreds of people a day. I have decided to start a memoir describing some of the more interesting events.

Also, you should know that on this particular day there was a dance team and a wrestling team staying at the hotel.

Enjoy.

I checked in a woman whose husband's name was Jan.

Two men from Kentucky told me about horseback riding.

they left their luggage with the bellman and never told them a room number or got a ticket.

A disgruntled woman freaked out about leaving her glasses in the car that was being valeted. She was wearing her prescription sunglasses and did not realize the glasses were missing until she was inside.

A very frantic old woman came in with an entourage of family members and was complaining about how she was upset about traffic and how she had to pee. Right before she ran to the bathroom she threw her head around and said, "lady, this is my husband. Give him my room keys!" i have never seen an old woman run so fast.

A guest brought a metal park bench with them for their stay.

I checked in a woman who was staying at the employee friend rate. She was rude and demanded an upgrade. When i told her that upgrades were an extra charge she refused the upgrade. She leaned over the counter only to reveal that her bra was sticking out of her shirt. She continued bitching about her room but I could not stop worrying about whether i was going to be a victim of indecent exposure.

A young male came up to me asking if a Stacy was staying in the hotel. Moments later, another hotel employee kicked him out of the hotel. I later found out that he was roaming around the room floors knocking on doors looking for someone named Stacy. When asked who Stacy was he said, "my aunt." Not a likely story.

A high school boy attempted to ask a girl to prom by posting signs in the lobby reading, "prom?" with arrows pointing to him. good luck!

Last but not least:

A tween boy jumped out and scared me as a left the bathroom. Apparently he thought I was his friend.

Today my check-ins included:

1 uni-brow

2 hot dads

1 hot coach's assistant missing a key

I lost count of the amount of tween girls asking for room keys

Kardashian Buns?

Kim Kardashian has a new line of work out videos called “Fit in your Jeans by Friday.”

At first I was mortified by the thought of Kim Kardashian telling me how to work out. The woman who is famous for having a sex tape and a big ass is telling me how to do lunges? I had to see it for myself.

I was relieved to find out that she is not teaching these classes but she is following an instructor who is doing the exercises. The video consists of a tomboy woman in really good shape shouting out fitness maneuvers while Kim hangs out on the side wearing a ridiculous outfit muttering gibberish like, “wow, I’m sweating” and “I always forget to suck in my stomach so that’s why I am wearing a corset.”
Thank you for justifying your wardrobe Kim. I was wondering why you were dressed like a mix between a stripper and cat-woman. It sure is nice to have that cleared up.

Her fitness video collection includes three titles: Ultimate Butt Body Sculpt, Amazing Abs, and Butt Blasting Cardio Step. With the exception of Amazing Abs, her marketing team was sure to focus on her backside. To be quite honest, I half expected the videos to include strange closeups on her ass as the video progressed. Sorry guys, only front views of the famous Kardashian bum were included.
The Ultimate Butt Body Sculpt as describes on the website:

The no-excuse 5 minute Bonus Butt Blast “Tush Push” combines isometric contractions and holds with waist whittling crunches. Blast for five minutes to tone and tighten your backside- what better way to flaunt your curves and strut your stuff! It’s the perfect tune-up before a night out in your favorite denim.

It takes more than great genes to have a great butt, and this workout will have you feeling fabulous and ensure you’ll Fit In Your Jeans By Friday

The term "Tush Push" scares me.
Despite her dumb remarks and wacky outfits, she did make it cool for girls to have big asses.
For that, I love her.

Ultimate Butt Body Sculpt
Amazing Abs
Butt Blasting Cardio Step