A New Job!

So it is my first week at a new front desk but the same ridiculous experiences the highlights go to:

Naked Fat Man:

No I did not see him naked. The housekeeper did not knock loud enough for the guests to hear so she walked in on two guests. The guests were upset so the called the front desk. The wife called down to scream at us, the husband called, the wife came down to the desk, then the husband did the same. That is just about the time I walked in. The man was screaming “I was NAKED!” Um ok I did not need the mental image. Clearly it was not on purpose unless you look like Lance Armstrong with one more ball (we had a group of competitive bikers staying at the hotel that week, don’t judge.)

So I think the housekeepers are going to start knocking louder from now on.

Drugs are Baaaad:

No but seriously...

when you stand at the front desk for 20 minutes so we can have security walk you to your room because you forgot your room key and then you say “Yo, It was in my pocket the while time…” Does not give it away. It’s the fact the you smell like you bathed in bong water dude.

Prima Donna:

I get a phone call from room service…

Room Service: So why are we sending wine to the lady?

Me: She could not get the 26^th floor so we had to put her on the 25^th and she was upset

RS: I was wondering because she yelled at us saying we should have known she hated red wine and she only drinks white wine. Also, she likes to have snacks with her wine.

Me : (long sigh) kill me

You Want Me To Stick My Key Card Where?!?

Yes, working at the front desk can be a fun and exciting task. My weekends consist of watching other people having fun, drinking too much, and embarrassing themselves in front of strangers (i.e. me.) There was a fraternity reunion at the hotel this weekend and although the frat boys were somewhat well behaved, there were still a few exceptions.

The Biggest Loser:

As a guess, I would say this man was not a male model. OK... he was pushing probably 400 lbs. Why do I tell you this you ask? Simply because he was piss drunk by 9pm., could not find his room, forgot his name, and his pants were falling down. Believe me when I say, I was not asking myself "boxers or briefs?"
The next morning I checked him out and he did not remember me. Well, maybe he was hoping I forgot about the incident the night before. To him I say... I know what you did last night Mwhahahaaaa!
Now please buy a belt.

Sex Addiction 101:

Dear man who bought a room and ordered six movies after being checked in an hour before,
We know you have a hooker and that you are watching porn. We only comped the movies because we felt bad for you. We had to sterilize the room one you left to get rid of the hooker/ smell of your hair grease. You are icky.

Little Miss Pain-in-the-Ass:

There is a guest that frequents the hotel. I always recognize her because you always recognize the crazy ones. When I check her in it goes like this:

"Here are your room keys.
No mam, no one will mug you outside in the parking lot.
We have valet parking... OK I understand that you like to park your own car but of you dislike our parking garage.... yes mam we have security at the parking lot. No mam the homeless people do not kill hotel guests."

Sometimes I feel underpaid.

The Last Headache

Have you ever seen a movie preview and thought… “You could not pay me enough money to watch that?”

I mean so bad that the previews are hard to watch?

Now I am by no means a movie critic. There are often times I will watch long drawn out Lifetime movies, Rock-of-Love marathons, and even insanely outrageous infomercials, (the E-Z Cracker is my current favorite.) Every once in a while there is that one movie that is so bad looking and not the funny kind that Syfy airs. The kind where I just want to ram my head against the wall to get the theme some out of my head. Or in this case, Miley Cyrus’s mug. That’s right, you guessed it. The movie I am referring to is, “The Last Song” starring Miley Cyrus and her boyfriend, the hot Australian dude. I think he has a name but I really don’t care. He’s hot and from Australia so that’s all anyone should have to know about him.



On a side note, and Melissa this one goes out to you. According to the “rules of men” that Melissa and I have came up with, normally the really hot ones are not allowed to talk because it most likely makes them less attractive. In this case however, he is allowed to talk because he has a hot accent. Don’t worry; I will post the rules in a later post.

Ok, back to the terrible movie.
This makes me think of other terrible movies that make me cringe at the preview…. even when it is on mute and I close my eyes.
For example:

Anything starring Miley Cyrus
Picture This

The only redeeming quality about this movie is that it is based off of a Nicolas Sparks book. Having met him while he visited Stockton College while I was a student, makes me like him more. His books are all sappy love novels and I will admit that after reading “A Walk to Remember” I cried. Rachael McAdams, Mandy Moore, now Miley Cyrus? Have they heard her talk at all? Also, she is not even wearing training bras yet and she is the romantic lead? This is not good.

I cannot wait until this movie stops playing in theaters so I no longer have to suffer through the previews.

Welcome to... Jerseylicious!

This is a real show, I repeat… this is real!!!

Ok I will admit that when MTV’s Jersey Shore first came out I was mortified. Being a Jersey native myself, I did not want people to think I was an orange, obnoxious, slut. After watching it a few times (I tried really hard not to), I found it hysterical. It is also a little confusing how so many guys can have six packs and still look completely unattractive but once again, I do not have time to explain what is wrong with guidos.

Let’s just leave it at… yuck

In this clip, one guidette brings her new boyfriend into the salon where she works to spray tan him. The girl did it to piss off one of the other guidette who was recently broken up with this man.

Ladies, you are fighting over a man who spray tans!

I am pretty sure that if that was not already on my deal breaker list, then it is now. Right along with having a soul patch and wearing guyliner.

Anyway.. In this clip, the ex-girl friend explains that she had broken up with him because he had bought her tickets to a Spice Girl concert but then ended up taking an ex-girlfriend!

A man who spray tans and watches the Spice girls... are we sure he did not take an ex-boyfriend?
Either way, it makes me laugh.

Brina's a Bitch!

No , Sabrina is not really a bitch.


This is my nephew and a word he picked up from his parents.

You Want Me To Stick My Key Card Where?!

Ok, so I have been neglecting my blog…

In the weeks that I have not written I have managed to make a girl cry, get stuck at the train station with a crazy homeless woman, and witness a medical emergency.

Also, the rotating door is broken at work because a woman tried to take a pull cart through the door. Not a smart move.

One of my friends at work did experience an interesting happening. She checked in a guest who was a young man. He approached her and flirted with her as she checked him into the room. She called him to make sure everything was OK in the room and he casually invited her up to the room. She declined the invite and thought it was funny. The next day he walks up to the front desk with a wife and two kids by his side. I found out the next day in the email she sent to me labeled, “men are dogs.”

Now to explain how I made the girl cry:

The woman tried to check into her room but did not have a credit card at hand. She needed to pay for the room so she ran to the ATM but her was still coming up short on cash. Frantic, she approached the desk and the tears fell. We managed to get her card number and she was checked in. She went to her room and I went home knowing that made someone cry.

As for the medical emergency, it happened while I was on the train.

On my way to work, the train was stopped at the stop before my exit route. The train was not moving for a little while and the speaker announced, “We need medical assistance in the back.” I was slightly disappointed that they didn’t say the cliché, “Is there a doctor in the building!?!” but I have come to terms with that. The woman next to me was wearing scrubs, who I later found out is a nurse, walked to the back of the train to assist the guest. Seconds later, an older man in an Army garb runs to the back of the train too. When the nurse returned, she explained what had happened:

There was a 58 year old man who could feel that he was about to get a stroke. The nurse went to check his vitals and assist until the ambulance came. The Army man then ran in and as described by the nurse, “smelled like the whole liquor store.” He went to the man having the stroke and tried to take his pulse and unbutton his shirt. The nurse and man both protested and were able to get the man away. Not sure how, maybe they threw a bottle of scotch out the window and he ran after it? Anyway…as it turns out, this was his third stroke. The ambulance came and hopefully he has been put on prescription meds.

ps... I really need help on how to post pictures!! ugh

Happy St. Patty's Day!

I know what you are thinking.
Why didn't I think of this first!
Well the credit goes to my friend Melissa.
Last year we went to Philadelphia looking green beer and car bombs. Another thing you should know about Melissa is that she is a redhead. St. Patty's Day seems to be a very popular day for her. On this particular day she was getting men from all angles. One of which even walked by us on the street and whispered, "I love your red hair" into her ear as we crossed the street. Yes, it was creepy. Yes, it was inappropriate. Yes, it gave us an idea!

Later when we discussed why she was being bombarded at the bars she said, "I guess guys just want to be able to say they fucked a redhead on St. Patty's Day."
Thus, the "I fucked a red head T-shirt" was born.

Some redheads may be offended by this t-shirt and I am fully aware of that. However, I do not apologize for this garment. This is really just a mere test. I mean yes, you can wear green, drink Guinness, pick of four leaf clover, or capture a leprechaun, but how many people can honestly say they fucked a redhead on St. Patty's?
OK the catching a leprechaun may be a bit difficult but I offer a better option. Go bang a ginger.
What better way do you honesty think there is to honor the old country?
Also, this is probably the only holiday Kathy Griffin gets some action.
Happy St. Patty's!!!