You Want Me To Stick My Key Card Where?!?

Yes, working at the front desk can be a fun and exciting task. My weekends consist of watching other people having fun, drinking too much, and embarrassing themselves in front of strangers (i.e. me.) There was a fraternity reunion at the hotel this weekend and although the frat boys were somewhat well behaved, there were still a few exceptions.

The Biggest Loser:

As a guess, I would say this man was not a male model. OK... he was pushing probably 400 lbs. Why do I tell you this you ask? Simply because he was piss drunk by 9pm., could not find his room, forgot his name, and his pants were falling down. Believe me when I say, I was not asking myself "boxers or briefs?"
The next morning I checked him out and he did not remember me. Well, maybe he was hoping I forgot about the incident the night before. To him I say... I know what you did last night Mwhahahaaaa!
Now please buy a belt.

Sex Addiction 101:

Dear man who bought a room and ordered six movies after being checked in an hour before,
We know you have a hooker and that you are watching porn. We only comped the movies because we felt bad for you. We had to sterilize the room one you left to get rid of the hooker/ smell of your hair grease. You are icky.

Little Miss Pain-in-the-Ass:

There is a guest that frequents the hotel. I always recognize her because you always recognize the crazy ones. When I check her in it goes like this:

"Here are your room keys.
No mam, no one will mug you outside in the parking lot.
We have valet parking... OK I understand that you like to park your own car but of you dislike our parking garage.... yes mam we have security at the parking lot. No mam the homeless people do not kill hotel guests."

Sometimes I feel underpaid.